![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) arigolden! |
[Feb. 23rd, 2012|03:25 pm] |
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I’ VE GOT BIG BALLS!
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| OOC Dropbox |
[Feb. 23rd, 2012|02:51 pm] |
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All Comments Screened.
(unless they happen to be of 'salacious' content, then by all means you've brought it upon yourself.)
Third Person Storybook. Threading preferred.
Current Location: La Habra, California
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| Where In The World Is Topher Grace: A comedy. |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|07:40 pm] |
I can tell you exactly where I am. In a room, four walls, one door, two windows, stripper pole, cage of lost doves, and four milk crates that are supporting my ass and a laptop of some brand that I refuse to publicly endorse until they pay me the Jerry Seinfield bucks. Hell, I'd even settle for Soup Nazi bucks. Or Jason Alexander bucks. I'm just going down the pay grade of one of America's beloved sitcoms. In case you haven't noticed, I burned Jason Alexander. Score.
Hearing that, I bet you're thinking that Topher Grace is down on his luck. He hasn't been in the papers, or the movies either if we're checking what counts in this world, and he hasn't scandalously staggered out of a club with Waif 1 and Waif 2 with Perez's magic pen dribbling coke/c*m lines (white is white except when it dries, my friends!) onto his handsome glorious rippling, yes, rippling mug of his. He's been the Jason Alexander of the millennium. No work, butt of all jokes, and count 'em two burns in this joke. That classy Topher Grace has got well, if we're running out of adjectives here aside from magnificent, 8-cylinder, chrome like, built like a rock........He's got grace. Yesirree friends! He's been keeping his head down low, closing those curtains at night but not in the morning, especially not in the bathroom, he's not ashamed! Despite wondering if Russell Brand's tongue is a vibrating attachable and if he wears a full body suit and is Jake Gyllenhaal underneath all the scraggly. (Is he?) He's been trying to make some sense out of the back of his Cocoa Krispies cereal box in the morning, and trying to find that damn toaster which turns out to always be in the middle of some goddamn tree! That Topher, he's been on the run.
And here's where I break out the classic jams. Break out into a song. Classic line from REO Speedwagon's "Take It On The Run". You take it on the run, baby! If that's the way you want it baby, then I don't want you around. And then you pair that with No Mercy's "Where Do You Go" My lovely? Where do you go, I wanna know, oh oh, my lovely. And then lastly, with that treasured boombox without iPod hookup and Night At The Roxbury possible neck injury head rock you white boy twitch to "What Is Love" by Haddaway. Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Me You? You Me? Me? Me?
I was waiting for Ashton to eventually get to his serious entry just so I didn't have to be the one facing the firing squad first, but I've learned a lot from waiting and watching and just ignoring the rest. While you may be able to wait a lifetime, the people around you won't. They just won't. You know how you miss a chance? You pull the cap, in this case a Red Wings one down over your eyes and your ears and you forget that days measure in hours, exactly one from La Habra to Calabasas. You forget that movie sets don't last forever and you can only mess up a take for a kissing scene one too many times before the director hits you on the nose with a rolled up script and your coworker might get suspicious and see through your jokes. You forget that breakups break just a little something you're not sure you will ever get back and then you crank up Cher or even Peter Gabriel (plus trenchcoat and John Cusack) and you roll out your lame funny and love every minute the guy without the cap on gets made fun of because that's not really you. Because you're not really out there, but you're here scurrying off to your private life and the privacy that you treasure more than to make any sort of risk that isn't professional. Not the ones that really count, anyways.
And........
Scene!
How's that for dramatic acting? If that doesn't get me some serious dramatic recognition I don't know what will. I suppose I can always go the horizontal audition approach. Anyone interested?
Now the question that is asked of me constantly. My life. What hole has this gopher climbed out of? Where has Topher Grace been? I can tell you this, he's found the toaster but he hasn't yet managed to find the Silver Monkey in the Hidden Temple. All those damn Temple guards. Don't you worry about him though, he's still got one Pendant of Life and a wallet bursting at the seams with singles and he enjoys spending his afternoons with Brad "Topher" (as he really likes to be called, trust me, I know) Pitt and Ange and the Children of the World and apparently a new fascination with talking in and out of the 3rd person. He'll grow out of that. He promises. |
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